Flash Can’t Even with the Puppies

| November 21, 2016

Recently, dissatisfied with the level of chaos and distraction in my life, I agreed to welcome two puppies into our home.

Yep, TWO.

Yep, TWO.

My husband and daughter each got miniature schnauzer puppies: a white female named Falkor, and a black male named Ender. My family gets to come home and cuddle the puppies after I spend all day taking care of them and confiscating flip-flops from their little puppy mouths.

ender and falkor miniature schnauzer puppiesender and falkor miniature schnauzer puppies

For the first week, I had to pretend that these weren’t the CUTEST PUPPIES EVER (which, frankly, they are). The fear we all had was that the puppies would bond to me, instead of Falkor to my husband and Ender to my daughter. So I walked around the house speaking to the puppies in a normal adult voice, and I would pick them up and place them down without squishing their tiny faces and gushing.

Do you know what it's like to pretend this isn't cute?

Do you know what it’s like to pretend this isn’t cute?

Or this?

Or this?

Oh, and if you don’t know the origin of Falkor, it’s the luck dragon in the Neverending Story…

neverending story

ender and falkor miniature schnauzer puppies

“She’s not bringing ME any luck.”

Now, you might be wondering how Flash, a 14-year-old Jack Russell who has been the only dog in the house for the past nine years, is taking this.


Not too badly, although he is clearly wondering what the hell happened. A few weeks ago, he could sleep through the night without listening to puppies whine to go outside. A few weeks ago, he could walk five feet without two shadows. A few weeks ago, my daughter’s attention was on him as it had been for 9 years.


Seriously. Flash can't even.

little girl dressing dog up in costume, jack russell terrier, bumblebee costume

He’s not sure how much he misses the attention, though

I’ve been Flash’s person for about twelve years. He sleeps by my side of the bed (except when he decides he’s not dragging his old ass up a flight of stairs, in which case he sleeps in my office). He follows me around the house (unless he’s decided to flop outside in the sun for three hours). He is my dog. This is why we got two puppies and not three; I didn’t want Flash to think I’d replaced him.

Flash traveled with us to the farm in West Virginia to visit and choose our puppies in September. He was unaffected.  Then we returned in October to pick up the pups.  Flash knew something was up when we stayed at a Motel 8.

Flash knew something was up when we stayed at a Motel 8.

Whatever happened in the Motel 8 before our stay, happened in every inch of the room.


"They're not even that cute, guys!"


The next morning, Flash was dismayed to find that the little beasts were still in his house.

"I'm gonna stop them if they try to come through my door."

“I’m gonna stop them if they try to come through my door.”

HA! Stick 'em in jail!

HA! Stick ’em in jail! Leave ’em there!

It’s going pretty well. Flash mostly ignores them, and they are learning that if he bears his teeth, he wants them to leave him alone.


And now Flash really can't even.

And now Flash really can’t even.

The Day Flash Couldn’t Even

Update: Kickstarter link: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/263188320/the-day-flash-couldnt-even-flash-series-of-childre?ref=creator_nav


Category: The Flash Series, Uncategorized

About the Author ()

Kari Martindale is a writer and ESL instructor. She’s visited all 50 states and 37 countries, including many of the big cities of Europe and a ton of Christmas Markets. She spends her days straddling the fence between a sense of adventure and a sense of dread. She is married to what is clearly a patient man and has a daughter who, frustratingly, is just like her. Her academic and professional backgrounds are in linguistics and foreign languages. When she's not teaching ESL, she's writing. When she's not writing, she's thinking about her next trip.

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