SGH escapes the Jaws of Death

| February 2, 2014 | Reply

I took Some Guy’s Hat for a spin yesterday just to get him out of the office.  I didn’t tell him where we were going. When SGH got out of the car in Mainz and saw that we were at a child’s birthday party, he tried to stab me with one of his pins.

He pointed out how close we were to Rudesheim and the bottles of wine hanging from that pin, but I reminded him that he would have to wait until May, when we head to Assmannshausen in Red.

SGH entered the indoor play zone, smacked into a wall of screaming children, and tried to escape on the head of a parent departing the building in a defeated slump.  Because I am committed to taking photos of SGH when he is out and about, my eyes scanned the room for just the right spot.  In retrospect, I should have agreed with my friend Eric’s first suggestion to buy socks with grips on the bottom to climb up and make SGH King of the Giant, Colorful Liability Trap.IMG_7196

However, in an apparent attempt to take Some Guy’s Hat on a trip to the Mainz hospital, I agreed with Eric that the best shot would be from the constantly opening mouth of the giant, blow-up alligator.  While my husband watched Eric’s son (who he thought would be less trouble to keep an eye on), Eric and I headed over to the alligator.  Here is how that went:

This is looking grim.

This might have been a bad idea.

I'm going to try to smile.

I’m going to try to smile for the camera.  Or is that a wince?

Oh my God, where did we go?

Oh my God, where did we go?

Oh, THERE WE ARE.

Oh, THERE WE ARE.

I have abandoned all attempts to protect the hat in the hopes of saving myself.

This has become every hat for himself.

Do not be fooled: this is not the face of someone who enjoyed herself.

Do not be fooled: this is not the face of someone who enjoyed herself.  This is a woman screaming.  At Eric.

Here is Erich.  Although he appears heroic, 1) Did you see him rescue SGH from the jaws of death?  No.  You did not.  2) This photo was taken for the purposes of charging him with attempted murder.

Here is Eric wearing Some Guy’s Hat. Although he appears heroic, 1) Did you see him rescue SGH from the jaws of death? No you did not. 2) This photo was taken for the purposes of charging him with attempted murder.

SGH wants a new pin that says “Just Why?”

Tags: ,

Category: SGH blog, Shits & Giggles

About the Author ()

Kari Martindale is a writer and ESL instructor. She’s visited all 50 states and 37 countries, including many of the big cities of Europe and a ton of Christmas Markets. She spends her days straddling the fence between a sense of adventure and a sense of dread. She is married to what is clearly a patient man and has a daughter who, frustratingly, is just like her. Her academic and professional backgrounds are in linguistics and foreign languages. When she's not teaching ESL, she's writing. When she's not writing, she's thinking about her next trip.

Leave a Reply