TOP 9 CRAZY GERMAN FESTIVAL RIDES YOU COULDN’T PAY ME TO GO ON

| July 11, 2014 | 7 Replies

German summer festivals last from a few days to a week or so. Trucks roll into town and crews begin erecting giant rides that you’re not comfortable riding in a permanent amusement park, let alone on a contraption carted in last week. Here are just a few of the rides you couldn’t pay me to ride for even one spin.  It’s German engineering at its most frightening.  Below are the TOP 9 CRAZY GERMAN FESTIVAL RIDES YOU COULDN’T PAY ME TO GO ON:

The Giant-Ass Swings

Heinerfest-2013-giant-swing-ride

Insane swings – Heinerfest 2013 – Darmstadt, Germany

 

Sure, all carnivals have swings, right? But are they so tall that they tower above the trees? This one is.

This spinning thing

Tall spinning ride - Heinerfest 2013 - Darmstadt, Germany

Tall spinning ride – Heinerfest 2013 – Darmstadt, Germany

ride

Do you see how tall this thing is??

The taller of the clocklike rotating arms, this one spinning your seat while the rotating arm spins you as you tower above buildings.

 

The Top Spin

Top Spin - Heinerfest 2013, 2014 - Darmstadt, Germany

Top Spin – Heinerfest 2013, 2014 – Darmstadt, Germany

top spin ridetop spin ride

Because the top spins.  It tumbles a few rows of people head over heels, taking them above the trees, and then rotates down to dangle them upside-down in fountains of water spraying up at them. Presumably to wash away the vomit spewing from their mouths.

See it in action:

 

The spider-like “Voodoo Jumper”

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Voodoo Jumper – Heinerfest 2013 – Darmstadt, Germany

This one bounces you up and down at great speeds while you’re spinning, while it’s spinning. In case teacups are too mild for you.

 

5. “The Burner”

The Burner - Brezelfest 2013 - Speyer, Germany

The Burner – Brezelfest 2013 – Speyer, Germany

Yet another rotating, spinning, tall ride.  The Burner spins you in your seat, while spinning the end of the rotating arm, while rotating.

The Shake”

 

The Shake - Heinerfest 2014 - Darmstadt, Germany

The Shake – Heinerfest 2014 – Darmstadt, Germany

This one tumbles your seat while spinning the set of seats while rotating on the platform. All to the background of oldies. Charming.

See it in action:

The 13-story tower that drops you

IMG_1289IMG_1214

Thirteen.Stories.

See it in action:

This shorter spinning ride for the smaller passengers

Shorter spinning ride - Heinerfest 2014 - Darmstadt, Germany

Shorter spinning ride – Heinerfest 2014 – Darmstadt, Germany

The smaller one – you know, to wean your way up to the towering rides.  Not happening.

ANOTHER DAMN SPINNING RIDE

IMG_1258

Wildly spinning the end of the rotating arm as the arm swings back and forth.

See it in action:

 

As you may have noticed, most of the offenders come to town during Heinerfest.  My first visit to Heinerfest is described here.

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Category: Festivals, Germany, In Germany A Broad blog, Photo Gallery, Shits & Giggles, Summer Festivals, Top Tens, Travel

About the Author ()

Kari Martindale is a writer and ESL instructor. She’s visited all 50 states and 37 countries, including many of the big cities of Europe and a ton of Christmas Markets. She spends her days straddling the fence between a sense of adventure and a sense of dread. She is married to what is clearly a patient man and has a daughter who, frustratingly, is just like her. Her academic and professional backgrounds are in linguistics and foreign languages. When she's not teaching ESL, she's writing. When she's not writing, she's thinking about her next trip.

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Sites That Link to this Post

  1. Summer Update | In Germany, A Broad | August 8, 2014
  2. Summer Update | Kari Ann Martindale | August 2, 2014
  1. This is brilliant! I’m a rollercoaster fiend, love fairground rides and get a total buzz off most of the ones you mention but seriously, the one that looks the tamest, those giant-ass swings, dear god, they are the most terrifying thing I’ve ever been on. For some reason I’ve been on on two separate occasions, and I just spend the whole time convinced it was going to break and I’d go flying off into the sunset/river/middle of the road under a truck. Never, ever again.

  2. Heidelind says:

    I love your blog! I grew up in Dieburg/Gross-Zimmern. When I was a kid I couldn’t wait for Heiner Fest and Schloss-Garten Fest. I forgot how insane the rides are:)

    • The Schlossgartenfest is coming in a week and a half! Dieburg is a great place to grow up–my daughter is in the elementary school here and after two years of getting used to Germany, she loves it (and so do we!). Thanks for reading!

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