Why I Don’t Do Food Posts

| October 11, 2014

I recently asked on my Facebook page, What would people like to see more of?  One response was Food. So I asked myself, Why do I not write more about food? Well, it turns out there are some pretty good reasons.

1.  I’m always halfway through my food before I realize that I should photograph it.

I tore this fish UP before taking a picture, which apparently I could not do fast enough so I could get back to my fish

I tore this fish UP before thinking to take a picture.  From the blurriness of the photo, it appears that I could not take the picture fast enough because I needed to get back to inhaling the fish. (Hotel am Hirschpark in Enzklösterle)

 

2.  I’m always finished eating my food before I realize I should have paid attention to be able to describe it.

And I'm not gonna lie: sometimes the picture does not occur to me until I've devoured the pastry

Like those delicious cookies from Gundel, in Heidelberg.  What did they look like?  You’ll never know.

3.  My memory of food is: “That was fucking delicious” or “Me no likey,” neither of which is helpful to a reader.

An example of "fucking delicious"

An example of “fucking delicious” from Konditorei Cafe Rudolph in Bad König.  The untouched lemon one?  Saving the best for last.

ME NO LIKEY.  And believe you me, I don't need to remember the restaurant name in Venice because squid ink is EVERYWHERE

ME NO LIKEY. (And believe me, in Venice, squid ink is EVERYWHERE)

4. Sometimes my recollection of the restaurant name itself is “that place in Rome” or “that place down that alley.”

This is an example of "I did not like that" - I actually stopped eating a donut halfway through

Another “Me no likey” – When I only eat half a donut, there’s a reason.  This came from a pink-interior bakery and cupcake cafe near the Pantheon.  My recommendation: Don’t eat there.

pizza venice

FUCKING AMAZING PIZZA from “That little place down that alley in Venice” – You should try some.

 

Just a few more examples…

"CAKE YUMMY EAT."

CAKE YUMMY EAT.

Serious restraint when we find just one bite was taken, people.  That third one in was unfuckingbelievable.  (Dirk's Kuchen & Tortentheke in Dieburg)

It indicates serious restraint when we find just one bite was taken, people.  That third one in was unfuckingbelievable.  (Dirk’s Kuchen & Tortentheke in Dieburg)

Especially cake.

Bakery items seem to be the biggest problem.  Especially cake, like this from the restaurant at Schloß Mespelbrunn.  I’m going to rate this “recommend” (pronounced with mouth full of cake).

Me no likey: Schnitzel from Witchel in Stuttgart

Me no likey: Schnitzel from Witchel in Stuttgart

"Oooh-people will probably want to hear how great the pizza is at the Harrod's cafe." (If only I'd taken a picture sooner)

My companions dislike the bark “STOP EATING–I SHOULD TAKE A PICTURE!” (such as my husband, eating what he described as one of the best pizzas of his life, at the Pizzeria & Canti Prosecco Bar in Harrod’s of London)

The best Schnitzel can be found at Stoawaeje Stubb in Dieburg.  I've been trying to take a photo before shoving it into my face for a year and a half now.

The best Schnitzel can be found at Stoawaejer Stubb in Dieburg.  I’ve been trying for a year and a half now to take a photo before shoving it into my face.  This only-one-bite-gone picture is a miracle.

 

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Category: Europe, Germany, In Germany A Broad blog, Restaurants, Shits & Giggles, Top Tens, Travel, Uncategorized

About the Author ()

Kari Martindale is a writer and ESL instructor. She’s visited all 50 states and 37 countries, including many of the big cities of Europe and a ton of Christmas Markets. She spends her days straddling the fence between a sense of adventure and a sense of dread. She is married to what is clearly a patient man and has a daughter who, frustratingly, is just like her. Her academic and professional backgrounds are in linguistics and foreign languages. When she's not teaching ESL, she's writing. When she's not writing, she's thinking about her next trip.

Comments (2)

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  1. I can find the place again, I just have no idea what it’s called. I don’t remember what I ate until I eat it again, at which point I can rank it (from best steaks to best tuna melts to best ravioli) among the others I’ve eaten. And then we leave and I forget all about it until next time. If you ask me where the best (X) is, I’ll unfortunately be giving you those answers like “down that alley,” which isn’t much help to anyone but me…I’m just not cut out to be a foodie!

  2. Ha! This is brilliant. And we are totally at opposite ends of the scale: I can probably tell you exactly what I ate and exactly where I ate it every time I ate out anywhere in the world ever, even if I can’t remember when it was or who I was with (although I can probably tell you what they ate, too). And there’s considerable photographic evidence to go with it.