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It all started with an email exchange.
Paul: “What’s for dinner?”
Me: “Will you eat Hamburger Helper?” [which we haven’t eaten in about a decade]
Paul: “Sure.”
Me: “Good. That’s what’s for dinner.”
At the appropriate time, I went downstairs to get out the Hamburger Helper that had been sitting in our cabinet for the past two years. That’s when I saw that it was not Hamburger Helper, it was some kind of Asian rice helper.
At which point I googled “homemade hamburger helper” because I had ground beef and no plan. I found a promising-looking recipe from a reliable source and began following the steps she outlined.
First, I browned the beef.
Soon I added the pasta.
Because I did not scroll to the bottom of the recipe, I did not see the actual list of ingredients. I saw only the step where you add the spices that were beautifully and colorfully photographed and labeled on a piece of wax paper. Spice-wise, the actual recipe called for 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper, 3/4 tsp paprika, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp sugar, 2 tsp garlic powder, 1 tbsp chili powder, 1 tbsp cornstarch, and a pinch of crushed red pepper flakes. What happened in my house, which lacked a few ingredients and, again, the exact measurements:
Small lump of Corn starch; Slightly less of a lump of Sugar (which I have to taste every time I use it to make sure it isn’t salt like the time I salted my tea); About as much Salt as sugar; A tablespoon of Crushed red pepper; About a tablespoon of Garlic powder; A lump of Hot shot pepper mix; A shit-ton of Paprika because I had to pour it since the teaspoon didn’t fit into the spice jar. (I probably should have poured it into the spoon and not the bowl.)
After adding the spices, I reflected on how this looked in no way appetizing.
When everything was cooked, I added cheddar cheese. It looked like wet dog food.
It didn’t taste awful. Relatively speaking. I mean, you’re comparing it to Hamburger Helper, right?
